I KNOW

Looking through the bars of life his whisper came “I KNOW” All the things I’ve covered up and yet I hear “I KNOW” I’ve bested life, I’m gaming strife, burned memories of “I KNOW” Perhaps the times, could be my rhymes, I really think I know.

Again I heard, unsettled word, A dream I knew “I KNOW” I still have pawns, I move my king, position beats “I KNOW” I’m still ahead, remorse is dead, fend off the great “I KNOW” I heard it said I’ll join the grave, once dead that’s all, I know

It ambushed me, warm child’s voice that called aloud “I KNOW” Filled with rage, a stumbled sage, dethroned yet heard “I KNOW” Mocked my life in cancers sneer, I understood “I KNOW” Beneath the cross in rubbles gown, submit to this “I KNOW”

BY GARY FULTZ

Remembering my uncle who built an empire all his life. He had it all. Played professional sports, became a lawyer for a fortune 500 company, hobnobbed with the elite in Washington DC and retired wealthy. Cancer and bitterness set in and no one could point him past his anger toward God. No one until a little niece, whom he loved, had an older brother dial the phone (yes, very young) and call him. She simply said ” I just wanted to ask you one question. Have you accepted Jesus into your heart? Jesus loves you!”

Uncle went into a rage demanding who would make a child play a dirty trick on him like that! His niece then convinced her parents to drive 24+ hours to see him before he died. She convinced uncle that no one had put her up to it and he needed to know Jesus loved him very much. Uncle was led by a small child to a last minute relationship with Jesus before he died.

“I KNOW” haunted me when I was young. I did something wrong “I KNOW” I hid my wrongs “I KNOW” I pushed that voice beyond memory only to surface in dreams I KNOW” I confessed my sins “I KNOW” When I was afraid and I clung to my savior in hard times. He answered “I KNOW”

For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.” I Corinthians 13:12

Do you know Jesus? He loves you very much.

Gary

Running with the Steers

I got run over by a 800 lb steer this Monday (it’s true). Not as glamorous a story as Grandma and the reindeer but this steer was 5 times as big as any reindeer. I’m quite sure no song will come of it either. I’m OK, thanks for asking. The hooves missed me after a good head butt to knock me down.

Ya, not wise

I had agreed to drive two hours to bring a steer to market for a brother. Just drive the rig, back up the trailer and let the steer out into the chute. Two experienced professionals took it from there. I was an innocent bystander at the end of the closed gate until the big steer with quite an attitude (yes, I distinctly remember smoke coming out his nostrils) charged at one of the attendants, hit the side of the chute and made an opening at the end of the gate (of course). The steer saw the opening, lowered his head and charged through the opening, tossing me forward into a half gainer, akin to a belly flop off the diving board onto the driveway. Then he ran over me.. Thankfully no hooves mashed me. I’m f.f.f.fine.

My body is sore in places where I didn’t even know I had them places. Some odd memories are coming to me that may have been a nano-second long but the telling may take a few minutes longer. One memory was very strange as I was flying through the air and yet the beast was upon me-pushing me down to the ground with it’s chest. The thought racing inside my skull in circles over and over was “I’m never traveling to Pamplona to run with the bulls”.

I’m ashamed. I should have been praying or something. I could have been asking God to watch over my wife and kids after my trampling, but nooo…I’m judging a certain class of risk-takers to be blooming idiots while it’s me landing on my head. Yes, it’s me, landing on my ego and that was trampled.

We have all been there. life’s sunsets mean a new day will come

Some changes have taken place. mostly in my heart and mind. living, dying, accidents or just an odd happening can happen instantly. The last couple of days I’ve been shying away from parts of my morning prayer, mostly where I pray “well Lord, what do you have for me today?” I am very open to praying differently if you have other ideas.

I’ve also tackled a couple of difficult conversations that were overdue. Why wait? What’s the worst that could happen? Okay, I’m not ready to answer that till I gear up (you know…helmet of salvation, sword of the Spirit etc)

Gary

(Added this morning): thanks Homer for your prayer idea in the comments section.

So Much….Continued

Several people asked me for the music to the lyrics of the last blog (“Story of the song So Much”)so I have posted a YouTube video link here and the words under. Don’t let the strange looking old guy fool you…I’m playing the keys

SO MUCH

  • I remember a time, when I was so close to you

We’d sit and talk for hours upon end

And I remember thinking how you must love me

SO Much

  • I remember all the things we did together

I never went anywhere without you

And I remember thinking how I loved you

So Much

  • I remember when my friends got tired of listening to me

Cause all I ever talked about was you.

And I remember telling you, I love you

So Much

Chorus) But here I am, I’ve drifted away

I’m so sorry I must say, I’ve been living without you.

Here I am, I left long ago, and I’m out on my own

Yet I know that you love me,

So Much

  • Just the other day, I heard a little knock on my door

I said, go away I want to be alone.

I thought I heard a little voice whisper “I Love You

SO Much

Bridge: I listen to the echos in the chambers of my heart

Oh the emptiness that lives in my soul

I see the hollow eyes watching me from the mirror

These eyes need love again…they need you again

Repeat Chorus

End: Oh- I know that you love me

Yes I know that you love me

So Much

Words and music by Gary Fultz

Wander into Winter Wonder

TR Driveway eml

The snow quit. Winds died. Morning came after freezing fog. All was frosted. Highlights rolled in with the coming sun. Skating to work on the roads might be the best option in freezing temperatures. Look at this mornings artwork from God’s perspective. life’s deadliest winter storms will end. Only God can make beauty of it.

snow on limbs eml
 

The cold snows of life, a prelude to beauty

 

snow stuck on trees eml

Our vision is limited. All we can see is snow

Frosty sunrise eml

The sun is coming, the son is coming

Frosty Tree back lit cp eml

We may be frozen solid but God begins to warm our hearts

Sun rise through the woods eml

Only God can warm our cold hearts and make beauty of life’s winters.

I love the Lord, for he heard my voice;
    he heard my cry for mercy.
 Because he turned his ear to me,
    I will call on him as long as I live. (Psalm 116:1-2)

Gary

Pictures taken this Monday morning after the storm  

 

When The Dust Settles

Aug 2 sun eml

My thoughts as we put the urn of Dad’s ashes into the ground a few days ago…

There is nothing worse, absolutely nothing worse than waking up in eternity and finding out you were wrong.

John 14:6 : Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

John 10:9 I am the gate. If anyone enters through Me, he will be saved. He will come in and go out and find pasture.

John 11:25: Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me will live, even though he dies.

I don’t know about you but I’m putting all my marbles on the one, the only one who didn’t stay dead.

Please don’t die forever!    

Gary

This is one cool verse

This was a piece of casual conversation with a guy I met recently who claimed to be a christian (I do not know him well but getting there). He is completing rehab treatment and hoping for a job full time soon. Try to get his perspective…and where I fit in??

Me: say, how are you planning on having different habits when you finally move into a place of your own? Him: what do you mean? Me: do you know what the word “trysting” means?  Him: No clue. Me:”Do you have a mentor yet”. Him:”Yes, I think so” (and some fill in on his potential mentor)…

I know, I know. I just kind of dive into peoples lives like this. just read on.

Me: “I hope you get a mentor that can help you read your bible and find a good quiet place to meet with God. He talks to you (mostly through the word) and you talk to him and develop and experience a very close relationship with God. Trysting is a place where two lovers meet. This is in part what it means to love God with all your heart, soul, mind and body. You should have a place you meet with God, just you and God.

Him (excited) : I gotta show you this really cool verse I read yesterday. I told my family all about it and they think I’m nut’s because they are not believers. That’s ok, they are just missing out! (picks up phone, finds it quickly and reads it to me) Jesus said this…

 “Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.” John 7:37-38

Him: That’s the coolest verse in the bible. It’s true too!

I walked away with no doubt in my mind that this new believer with tons of life’s baggage had just experienced the same ineffable resurrection power of God in his life that Lazarus did being raised from the dead. He was dead and chained to his drugs and is now experiencing living water in his life and overflowing to those around him. 

Do not let anyone tell you that God is not at work in peoples lives today in miraculous and powerful ways.

Gary

PS: please read G.W.’s post on  ineffable Power. It’s, well, powerful. 

 

Dying

Dad and Mom 62 years eml

They didn’t make it another year together. Since then Dad has been dying. Slowly. Two immensely strong trees grown together and ripped apart in one of life’s storms (dad’s words).

I mourn for mom in passing. I mourn for dad as pieces of his life pass. He might not fish or hunt again and I mourn. Walking the woods and hunting together is past and I mourn. Eating food is hard and firing up the grill or smoker for dad has lost it’s enjoyment. I mourn that. Enjoyment itself seems to be passing like a salmon arriving at it’s birth place, there is no more will to fight the currents.

The hardest thing for me to see dying is the wilting of relationship. We are turning our heads away from each other viewing the tasks of making it another day, week, month and secretly Christmas. There is a shadow, a dark cloud in the way of supping with one another and I mourn. Dad has turned his head toward eternity. Like a horse headed to the barn (one of his old farm, can’t wait to get there, expressions).

Today, I’ll get in the car and drive a few hours to see dad. It’s possible he may have much or little time left. I may have many or few visits left. I may have a weeks vacation left with him on the old place. I don’t know. All I know is that Dad is dying in dozens of ways, and that’s hard. I mourn.

I do take comfort in the fact that dad see’s eternity and there is light. The door is cracked open enough for light to spill out but he cannot look inside, yet. He seems to be parked by the door and I want to take him for another boat or ATV ride. Oh, he can still do that physically but it’s not the same. He wants to see Jesus and hug mom again. I don’t blame him but I mourn.

This morning I gave him to God. I sat on the screen porch watching the rain in 50 degree weather with the hummingbirds chasing one another and three rabbits in the lawn in front of me and I let a piece of me die. He is God’s you know. He knows. He always was Gods as long as I have known him. I’m dying too, and I mourn that.

dads sunset eml

Dad and I have something in common. We know Jesus. Personally. Relation-ally. We will both live forever. We both know this “eternal life”. Without Christ we would die forever.  

I will give dad a hug, say “bye for now dad” (you know just in case I need to wait for eternity to see him again), get in the car and make the 5 hour drive back home. Man I miss dad! but not forever.

Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life. (1 John 5:12)

Dad and I would really like to see you there, please don’t die forever.

Gary

Update: Rest in peace dad (February 13 1933- July 2 2019)  Bye for now dad. I sure do miss you and mom.