So Much

Awhile back (yes a few years) I met with a group of guys weekly for prayer and accountability. we met in a local church, played some basketball in the gym, laughed, talked about life, shared dreams, prayed together and helped one another on various home and vehicle projects. Life was good for most of us. We were concerned for one of our younger guys (lets call him Fred).

Fred fit in well but gave off signals once in awhile that he wanted more than life was giving him. He seemed almost jealous of, well, most things the rest of us had. I wish we had really seen the depths of his dissatisfaction. Fred needed to mature, be a husband and be a dad.

One Sunday after church, Fred and his young family was spending the afternoon at one of his wealthy friends place and commented how someday he would own the same size monster fishing boat as soon as he could save up the money. His friend smiled and told him it was nothing but trouble to him and rather than letting it sit in the barn he told Fred if he wanted it it was his. So Fred got his dream boat, after going to the bank to borrow big money to buy a vehicle that could pull the boat. Was Fred now happy?

I still think back to when we begin to walk out of the church, Fred would ask me to sit down to the piano and “Play that song ,uh, SO MUCH, I need to hear it” he would say. So I would play and sing a song I had written, it seemed, for him. He would cry, wipe his eyes a few times, sniffle, mumble sorry guys and walk out. YA, it was a big clue.


  • I remember a time, when I was so close to you

We’d sit and talk for hours upon end

And I remember thinking how you must love me

SO Much

  • I remember all the things we did together

I never went anywhere without you

And I remember thinking how I loved you

So Much

  • I remember when my friends got tired of listening to me

Cause all I ever talked about was you.

And I remember telling you, I love you

So Much

Chorus) But here I am, I’ve drifted away

I’m so sorry I must say, I’ve been living without you.

Here I am, I left long ago, and I’m out on my own

Yet I know that you love me,

So Much

  • Just the other day, I heard a little knock on my door

I said, go away I want to be alone.

I thought I heard a little voice whisper “I Love You

SO Much

Bridge: I listen to the echos in the chambers of my heart

Oh the emptiness that lives in my soul

I see the hollow eyes watching me from the mirror

These eyes need love again…they need you again

Repeat Chorus

End: Oh- I know that you love me

Yes I know that you love me

So Much

Words and music by Gary Fultz (1997)

Down the road of time, Fred walked out on his family and his God who still loves him


Some day I will record this song, just in case there is another Fred out there. Maybe you need to know that God wants an intimate relationship with you. He loves you

Add on:I just recorded it. Click here…



29 thoughts on “So Much

  1. It is Ann, Those times haunt me as if I could have done or said something different. The battle is very real in the spiritual realm for hearts and minds. Choosing the lie over love is the saddest of all.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I can understand that Gary, but the words bring a message and you never know how God will use it. The words brought to my mind a couple of people who I have known also that turned away and it is indeed sad. Blessings my friend.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow, how heart breaking. May the Lord yet call him back. Sadder than those who will not come are those who walk away. I’m reminded of the difference between godly sorrow leading to repentance and worldly sorrow that only produces grief. God bless and thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Very true. God was sharing with me this morning how the spirit functions, in a sense, like smell. We can recognize it but cannot see, taste or touch it, yet we know it is there. But does that sense of the spirit move us to action?

        I once know a man who died when he went into a vat filled with H2SO4. He could not smell the gas but he had a detector on that warned him he was in danger. Unfortunately he ignored it to his peril. Too few people understand the danger of ‘self’ is just like H2SO4. It will kill us if we do not get rid of it.

        So like hearing and smell, what we do with what we hear, see and smell is far more important that what we see, hear or smell. Too few get that. I am thankful you understand this important truth.

        Blessings brother.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I not only understand it Homer, I also admit it. There is so many things in life bigger than us. We are much smaller and les powerful than we think. Then there is thinking…don’t get me going as I may have a small chemical imbalance there.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Very sad! Sometimes, no matter how hard we try to help someone, we feel helpless. The truth is that change begins with the other person…we can’t make them change. I never give up on someone. You never know. At some point in time, they may see things altogether differently. The words you sang, the things you said, may resonate at a future date. When I don’t know what else to do, I just keep praying for the person…I trust that God will work His miracles.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I have prayed So Much for friends and family who have left God behind. This post is sad, but before you can help someone like Fred – they have to change their heart and take the help that is offered them. People put so much value in material things. Material things do not make us happy – a sincere love of God and our family is what makes us happy. Perhaps as Fred gets older he will understand what is important in life. Thanks for posting this Gary. It has inspired me to never give up on anyone.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Wow. Really struck a chord in me. It’s as if the song was for my wayward husband.The lyrics are beautiful.Do the world a favor and record it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh Stephanie, I just get really sad when I think of yours and others who have wayward spouses believing and living out a big lie.
      About the song…thanks… I will record a simple track of piano and song when I get rid of a strange cold that’s hung on since the new year began and do a follow up post with a link. My warble is a bit hit and miss lately…but it will come back.


  6. The story of Fred is sad, and all too common. We have hope and we trust in the Maker of us all. His ways are higher. Reading through the lyrics of your song was powerful in itself. I can only imagine the power of it when put to music. I add my voice to the others. I would sure like to hear “So Much” in its natural, intended, anointed setting. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Thanks Boromax. I will dig out some recording equipment. Not professional equipment mind you but hopefully record a track that will do it justice. I have often wondered if the song was given to me just for Fred…maybe there’s more.
    and Yes, God’s ways are so much higher than we can imagine.

    Liked by 1 person

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